What can be better than meeting a real person in real life! But we all live in different countries with different cultures, and the acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community differs widely. We want our users to feel comfortable sharing their experiences with friends who understand and validate their lives. However, with such wide variance in how we are treated, it is important that we all stay safe and lessen the risk of danger. We encourage you to make friends, learn about the LGBTQ+ community in your city and around the world, and discover more about yourself. At the same time, always be aware of the potential security risks if you are going to an offline meeting.
We’re not trying to scare you or discourage you from meeting new people, but we want you to approach offline meetings consciously, taking into account all the potential risks to your safety. Before you decide to meet your date in real life, take some time to get to know them better, especially if you are in a country with a high crime rate, or where being gay is dangerous.
What can you do before going on a date to make sure the person you are talking to is real, and get ready for a safe date?
- Fact-check. Check for Verification on the profile. Ask for multiple social media accounts to verify it is the same person. Also, be sure to ask for more than one photo.
- Be smart. If you end up connecting on other social sites like Facebook or Instagram, check how many friends or followers they have, how many photos they have posted, and how long since the last one was published. If the account only shows modeling photos, that’s a big sign that they may not be genuine.
- Verify further. Get to know them slowly and over time. Relate the pictures to the discussed changes, life events, sporting events, or anything that gives you a sense of trust with the information you see, and the information that you have received from them.
- Find out if they’re real by video call. You can meet them online using the 1-on-1 video messaging service provided by Hornet, or via Hornet Live (subject to availability in your country), or by using any other video services (FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, WhatsApp, etc.).
- If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. If you feel like you’re talking to your dream person but your guards are up and it feels too good, then slow down, ask questions, and get to know them. If they’re defensive to this, that isn’t a good sign.
- Are they already in love with you? If they immediately start declaring that you are the love of their life when you have barely exchanged messages, be mindful.
- You don’t have to say yes. You can say no without being rude—safety comes first! Don’t be afraid that it will offend someone who is pursuing you beyond your comfort level. No means no.
- Tell your friends about the online relationship. Share details about who you’re talking to, and show their photos to your friends.
- Check your gut. If your body is telling you to be cautious, try to figure out why. Find answers to what’s making you uncomfortable before the meeting.
- Get their real name before the meeting. Tell your friends these details so they also know your online date.
- Be sure that you both agree about meetup expectations. It is very important to agree with your encounter about what is going to happen on that date. If this is only a short meeting to get to know each other and have some coffee, or if you both are looking for something more than that.
- If you are in a country where it is illegal to be gay, or you could face persecution from family members, then be careful about sharing a face photo in your public photos. Keep them for your private photos. There have been cases of people looking at gay apps to find gay people.
What can you do to have a safe offline date?
- Meet your date somewhere public and safe. Make sure that your first date doesn’t happen in a weird, hidden place or in a dangerous district. It is worth choosing a safe area of your city, a crowded and well-known place.
- Prepare yourself to say no. If you are not comfortable with how your meeting is going, your date seems too persistent to you, and you are not ready to continue the conversation, do not hesitate to say no and leave. Stay polite and friendly—you can come up with a fake story of why you have to leave now.
- Tell your friend about the date. Let your friend know as much as possible about the date you are going on — who the person is (share photos and information about them), where it is going to happen, and how far you are ready to go on that date.
- Use Find Friends and be safe. Share your location with your best friend, check in after your fantastic date, and even make plans to spill all the details later
- Pre-arrange for a friend to call you. If you need to say no, it is the perfect opportunity to say there is an emergency and you have to leave.
- Hide your valuables and try not to bring them on first dates. It is best if you take a bare minimum of money with you on a date, do not wear any jewelry or expensive clothes, and take an old phone on a date if possible. The fewer expensive items you take on a date, the less attractive a victim you will be if the other person turns out to be a criminal.
- Don’t get drunk and think twice about drugs, especially at first meetings. The first offline meeting can be nerve-wracking, and alcohol helps to relax, but try to stay sober in order to control the situation. Make sure that your glass is always under your control and that no one can add anything to your drink. We highly recommend not accepting any substances, drinks, or food from someone you see for the first time.
If the original intention of your meeting was a private date, or if you decide to go home with your date after meeting somewhere, there are some things you should consider.
If the other person is hosting:
- Get the address and text it to a friend. The best is to share your location with your friend.
- Check the address on Google Maps and build a route to this address so that you roughly understand in which direction you should move. This will help to make sure that it is the address he takes you to. If the area does not feel safe, do not go.
- Prepare a contingency plan and check how you can get home from this place.
- Make sure your phone is charged and always with you.
- Set up quick access to emergency services on your phone so it takes only a click or two to connect to them.
- Leave the place immediately if there is someone else, especially if you’ve not been told about them.
- Do not accept food or drinks if they are offered. Date rape drugs have no odor or flavor. Under no circumstances accept any drugs.
- Always be awake, sober, and alert; do not stay overnight on the first date.
- If you feel uncomfortable, leave the place; you do not have to explain anything.
- You can say that you need to use the bathroom, or feel unwell and want to go outside for fresh air.
- If your date does not allow you to leave, firmly insist on your intention. Tell them that if they don’t let you leave the area, you will call emergency services. Don’t be afraid to look silly; it’s all about your safety.
If you are hosting:
- All of the measures described above apply to this case as well.
- Remember that sharing your home address can be dangerous. Once the other person visits you, they know where you live and how to enter your building and apartment.
- Tell your friend that you are about to host a meeting and share all the information you have about your new date.
- No valuables should be displayed, especially those that are small and easy to steal. If you can’t hide and lock them in a separate room, use the farthest corner of your dresser or closet, and pile up valuables with clothes so it is not easy to find them.
- Remove from visible places and make sure there is no direct access to anything that can be used as a weapon.
- Do not let the other person inside if they arrived with someone else, and this was not discussed.
- Stay alert and always keep an eye on what the other person is doing, especially if you are having drinks or food. Do not accept food and drink that the other person brought with them.
- Don’t let another person stay at your place overnight. If they are drunk or say they don’t have money for the return trip, order them a taxi at your own expense; it will be cheaper than if you find out in the morning that your valuables are missing along with this person.
- If anything goes wrong or you become uncomfortable, ask the person to leave. If they refuse, call the police. Same rule; your safety comes first, no matter how silly you might look.
It is very important to agree in advance with the other person what will happen at the meeting, how far you are willing to go, find out about their preferences, and share yours. Set clear boundaries for what is acceptable, and always remember that you or your date can back out of the original plans later.
Recently, there were attacks on gay people in Brazil, where a victim and a criminal originally met on a gay dating app. In these cases, a date was set up and ended in the victim being robbed, but, unfortunately, in several cases, the victim was injured or even murdered. In several of these cases, the victim was a sex worker. This is probably because sex workers are more likely to agree to go on a date quickly, more accepting of going to unusual places and locations, and are used to it. If you are providing escort or sexual services, we ask you to be especially careful if you are going on a date. If someone tries to rob you or threatens you with a weapon, do what the attacker tells you to do, give them what they want, as losing your valuables is better than the situation escalating. Try to remember as many details as possible about the attacker, the place, their transport, etc., as these details will help the police find them later.
Hornet Team hopes you always have a safe and enjoyable date. However, if something has gone wrong on your date and you need help, the best is to go to law enforcement. If you are not comfortable doing it on your own, reach out to human rights organizations that provide legal assistance. It is also worth contacting Hornet Support and reporting the bad actor so we can take action against their profile.
Still need help? Email us at feedback@hornet.com. Please include your username so we can find your account faster. It appears on your profile page, at the top center of the screen, and begins with the “@” symbol.